Dino Dude (Stripper) Charge
by ZandarLantyriel
Summary: Heckyl's latest scheme pits the rangers against a new and devastatingly daunting foe: Bankruptcy. Now, to save the Amber Beach Natural History Museum, they must don new uniforms and become: Power Rangers: Dino Dude Stripper Charge! Lots of slash, fluff, and crack. Dedicated to the Romance and Shipping thread of Rangerboard.
1. A More Human Evil

**Dino Dude (Stripper?) Charge**

Notes: This is dedicated to the Romance and Shipping thread on Rangerboard, without whose insanity I would never have gathered the stones to start writing this. I needed to get several ideas out of my head that I got infected with on Rangerboard before continuing "Riley's Cookies".

Heckyl cackled with glee at his latest evil scheme. Rather than destroy the rangers with a horribly grandiose and needlessly convoluted plan that would eventually (if not easily) be thwarted by just blowing up the monster of the week, he decided to use a more _human_ evil…

"Defraudula! Get over here!" he called. "Yes, Master Heckyl- bleh bleh bleh!"swooped in the newest monster of the week.

"Your power is to hack into computer systems and drain bank assets" expositions Heckyl "I have a feeling that the ranger's base, weapons, and equipment are funded by that museum. I want you to drain the museum's funds to 0 and cut them off!" "Brilliant, Master Heckyl! Bleh, bleh, bleh!" crowed Defraudula "I'll get right on it! Bleh bleh!" and he turned into a dollar-sign bat and flew away.

~Two Days Later~

Kendall was buried in paperwork trying to get extensions on all the museum's bills and creditors. Despite being tax-exempt for the most part, there were still many expenses to cover- wages, maintenance, security, not to mention the extra heating, power and water going to the base AND all the money she spends on the latest ranger gadgetry.

There was apparently a glitch at the bank and the museum's funds disappeared. Thankfully, Kendall kept meticulous records and updated statements so the bank recognized the error. The matter would be cleared up eventually, but in the meantime, the museum's accounts are frozen- so Kendall can't pay anything, or any-ONE. "This is going to be a doozy to solve" she muses.

Eventually, of course, Defraudula got sloppy and was exposed. The ensuing fight scenes that blurred together were rife with money-based puns. For example:

After blasting Defraudula across the battlefield, "Looks like he had a YEN to fly!" quipped Ivan.

"This fight is too taxing!" cried Defraudula. "Too taxing, eh? Then here's your RETURN! Dino morpher blast!" retorted Chase.

"Let's to end his pyramid scheme once and for all!"

"Wait! I want to cash out!"

"Dino Spike, Final Strike!" called the team "Time to cut your interest! Final Slash!" called Riley. "And you can take THAT to the bank!"

And of course when the Magna Beam hit: "Ha ha ha ha! Looks like I'm too big to fail!"

When Defraudula ran out of firepower: "Oh, no! I'm bankrupt!"

"Time to close the ledger on this monster!" yells Shelby. "Final Strike! Galactic Blast!"

"I didn't account for this!"

"Monster, forclosed!"

Sadly, unlike with previous monsters of the week, everything did NOT right itself after the victory. Somehow, the red tape dragged the account freeze to the point where Kendall had to call a meeting. Koda and Shelby were already at the base when Tyler and Ivan slid down with a collective "Woooooooo!"

"Everyone here yet?" asked Tyler. "Not yet" Shelby replied rolling her eyes playfully "The _lovebirds_ are still on their way." Surely enough, Chase and Riley entered, basically joined at the hip and with their sickening sweetness dialed up to eleven. As they strolled in, their eyes never left each other. Finally, Chase broke away to turn lazily to the rest of the team "So what's up- more monster trouble?"

"I only _wish_ " sighed Kendall. "There's no easy way to say this- we're broke." The team gasped. Riley curled closer to a stricken Chase, Shelby clasped her hands over her heart, Koda pouted, Ivan looked pained and Tyler's face fell.

Kendall continued "We don't have enough sponsor money or endowments to cover the costs of the museum…to say NOTHING about the upkeep of the base and our equipment" she settles down on a stool by her workstation turning to the assembled rangers. "I am open to suggestions as to how to keep us running, or we are all out of not only a job, but a base- for some of us, a home."

Each ranger hung their head as the reality sank in.

"There HAS to be a way…" reasoned Shelby as she looked to her friends "Look- we can't just give up! If we do, Snide wins!"

"What about Phillip?" said Riley brightening up "I'm sure he could at least forward a loan until the museum can get back on track-" The start of his inspirational rallying idea was sadly choked out of existence with the opening of the base doors.

Phillip the Third, the Graphite Ranger and hearthrob Prince of Zandar stood before them all with two shoulder bags, matching rollaway luggage, and all the regality he could muster-which wasn't much considering he was holding back tears. "Hello everyone" Phillip manages with a stiff smile to the abject horror of the team "Sorry for dropping in unannounced."

"Your highness! What happened?" asked Shelby.

"I'm afraid my zeal to prove myself to the Graphite energem and to you all has…bankrupted my kingdom" the others continued to stare frozen "Apparently, the Crown was already heavily in debt to the EU and the International Monetary Fund. Only now has it caught up with us. Parliament was so enraged by my donations to the museum and Amber Beach that-" he faltered for a moment and took a breath.

"…that they officially stripped me of my title." *beat* Holding up his hand, he revealed his pinky bereft of the Royal Seal and with nothing but a ring tan line left as a reminder "I am no longer Prince of Zandar."

As Phillip stood silently weeping, he was enveloped by a large warm circle of arms and bodies. As his eyes blearily opened, they met the puppy dog warm browns of Koda and he drowned in them.

Last to arrive then was James Navarro. With no funding from the museum, his expedition was cut short and he came home to the sight of Kendall pouring over papers, Phillip slumped onto Koda's shoulder on a sofa with Riley and Chase cuddled next to them, Tyler and Ivan sitting pensively on crates and Shelby taking her aggression out on her punching bag.

"Dad!" Tyler exclaimed jumping off his crate "Son!" James rushed to hug him. Chase shook his head smirking "I will _never_ get used to that" "Oh hush!" Riley scolded him.

The Navarro reunion gladdened everyone's hearts for the moment. Then everyone resumed wracking their brains for a solution to their money woes.

Chase got up frustrated and pulled Riley with him "Come on Riley love, let's dance" "What, _now_?" "Of course! It'll shake us out of this funk and maybe help us with an idea. At least it'll make us feel better" "And just how will it do that?" "How should I know? You're the one with the hypnotic rump!" The two continued their banter for the next few minutes.

"And the 'honeymooners' have just made the transition into 'old married couple' at long last" said an amused Shelby. "Shelby, come on" Tyler admonished "They STARTED at 'old married couple' THEN they fell in love" Shelby just rolled her eyes "Sorry, MY mistake"

Chase, after much cajoling, somehow finally coaxes Riley into twerking in the middle of the base. Kendall looks scandalized while Phillip and Ivan are entranced. Chase nods his head lasciviously to an imaginary beat, James raises an eyebrow while his gaze lingers and Tyler's eyes widen. Koda suddenly jumps in and joins Riley, attempting to emulate his moves and not failing at that. Shelby starts cheering "Woooo! Go Riley! Work that ass!" while Chase beatboxes to accompany them. Kendall is still gobsmacked and Tyler feels the dawning of an idea, leaps up and exclaims "I'VE GOT IT! THAT'S HOW WE'LL RAISE THE MONEY!"

All eyes shot to Tyler as stillness fell. Koda's hands were at Rileys hips as his crotch was pressed right against Riley's ass. Chase hazarded a guess as to what he meant "Uhhh…do you mean the twerking? I mean sure, Riley and Koda can be pretty hilarious, but it's not exactly viral quality on Youtube, mate"

"No! We turn the Dino Bite into a strip club at night after the museum closes!" Tyler declares excitedly waving his arms and looking back and forth amongst his friends for some sign of comprehension "Huh? Huh?"

Crickets were too embarrassed to chirp. The other males looked too cowed and sheepish to respond, all the while sneaking glances at the two females in the room for their reaction. They were pretty sure Tyler was chumming up the waters good.

It was Kendall who responded "Tyler, that is extremely sexist and degrading and I will not have you bringing female objectification into this respected and professional establishment-"

"A MALE strip club!" clarified Tyler "You've seen Riley's moves! I'd like to think I look pretty good and Koda barely wears clothes anyway so we ALL know what HE'S working with- what ELSE are we going to do?"

Kendall continued without missing a beat "-so we can convert the southwest alcove of the café floor into a makeshift stage, there's already a secured load-bearing pole over there with easy access to the kitchen door for costume changes and I can rig some controlled lighting from the bar-"

"Ms. MORGAN, you're not seriously considering this, are you?" now it was Shelby's turn to be scandalized. Tyler retorts "Says the one cheering for Koda to grind up against Riley's ass!" Shelby flushes madly.

"I can see where Tyler's going with this" agrees Chase "I mean, each of us fellows have our own style, our own appeal. With our ranger training keeping us in shape and the energems keeping us eternally young and beautiful, it's obvious that our looks are our biggest bankable commodity. It only seems…" he slides a sly leer to Riley "…logical."

"That- that was an uncharacteristically well thought out argument" said Kendall to a playfully wounded Chase. Now getting a hold of herself she continued "Right, but we can only do this if everyone agrees. We're a team and we do this together or not at all. I can do the setup and be the hostess"

Shelby jumped in "I'll also help with initial makeup and costuming and I can deejay"

"It was my idea, I'm dancing" affirms Tyler.

"I've got Skater Chic and the ladies love me, so I'm in" says Chase turning to Riley "What about you, love? You've got 'twink' written all over you. Girls and hell even lots of guys go gaga for that."

"I don't know…I'm not sure I'm comfortable with objectifying myself in front of strangers" says Riley, shrinking into Chase's arms.

"Hey, I'm sorry babe" soothes Chase "I'm not going to pressure you. In fact, I didn't even ask if it was ok with you that I go up on stage" "No!" Riley quickly snaps "No, it's ok. I know you're doing it for the right reasons and you wouldn't stray" he takes a deep breath "I- I think I can do it."

"Are you sure, Riley?" Kendall asks gently "You don't have to. You can do something else and no one will think any less of you-" "I'm sure" nods Riley with finality. Kendall holds Riley's eyes in hers "Okay then."

"I have visited a bawdy house or two in my day. I had often wondered what it would be like if the roles were reversed and I shall endeavor now to learn" declares Ivan. Shelby asks "You do realize that means removing all of your clothes until you're left in just your underwear…if even _that_." Ivan considers it for a beat "I stand by my previous statement"

It took a bit for the team to properly explain the concept of stripping to a child-like Koda, but once he understood, he began ripping off his shirt before the team could stop him.

"Well Chase said the energems preserved us. I'm better living proof of that than Koda who was a popsicle or Ivan who was in a Fury-induced stasis cocoon. I'm in. As a dancer, not just security or whatever else tame job you want me in" preempts James as he scans the room for any dissent and finding only quiet obedience. "That's right" he nods with attitude "You know who your daddy is."

Tyler immediately clutches at his eyes and screams "ARGH! DAAAAAD! STOP IT!" his skin wriggles with the woogies "Please don't talk like that. I can't take it" "Aw, come on son" James says clamping his hand on Tyler's quivering shoulder "Your old man ain't _that_ old" he leans in "After all, Chase DID say it: we look like brothers. Lots of people get off on that. I mean, if we were on stage together-" "GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" wails a scarred-for-life Tyler.

It took a few minutes to calm Tyler who was curled in the fetal position sucking on his thumb, his head resting in Ivan's lap.

"I will participate as well" says Phillip finally breaking his long silence. Kendall quickly responds "Of course, Pri- Phillip. We'll still need servers on the floor, you can wear a shirtless vest with a cute little bowtie an-" "I intend to dance." Kendall tries to recover "But-"

"I will hear no argument of the matter. I have the GQ look after all" Phillip turns with a smirk "and I may not be a real prince anymore, but I still have my dignity and that I will not relinquish even as a glorified go-go boy."

Koda pulls Phillip into a big bear hug "You always will be REAL prince to us, Phillip"

"So with Phillip agreeing, that makes all of us" announces Kendall. "Looks like the Dino Dude Lounge and Café is officially on."

"And one last thing Ms. Morgan" interjects Phillip still encumbered with a cuddly Koda. "Yes, Phillip?" Kendall asks.

"I demand equal stage time with the rest of these fine men…and a crown emblazoned on my speedo."

Kendall curtsies with a sardonic smile "As you command…my prince."

End Note: The true stripping adventures begin next time. Stay tuned!


	2. Madame Kendall's Ken-Dolls

Chapter 2: Madame Kendall's Ken-Dolls

By pooling their remaining resources over the next couple of weeks, the team subtly adjusted the Dino Bite Café to accommodate its new intended function.

First, they added more rain forest motifs to the arches and crenelations like crawling vines and leaves. A dimmer was installed for all the various sections of lighting, including strobes and true to Kendall's word, the southwest alcove was cleared and raised with steps. Riley took special care in polishing the pole. The team's work schedule was even staggered to accommodate their new -ahem- _nightly_ activities…

Down in the lair, the guys were working out and getting measured and fitted for their concepts. One corner was a sea of speedos and thongs: some spangly, some sparkly, and some nearly non-existent.

Shelby did her best to keep Koda still while she measured his wingspan. "Koda, stop being so squiggly!" she complained as he squirmed playfully "Hold Still! I can't get a proper measurement!" Koda just kept giggling "But it tickles!"

Ivan was on the pull-up bar repping out and James was spotting Riley on the bench. "Uhh…Mr. Navarro?" stuttered a nervous, prone Riley "Yeah?" replied James looking down at Riley. "Could you maybe…take a step back? I- uh- I can't see the bar" "Oh you can see it alright…" Riley froze in mortification.

James finally let out his laughter "Riley! You HAVE to be more relaxed around us! We're going to be practically naked around each other all the time! Here-" he removed his shirt as tossed it aside "See? No need to be self-conscious." An equally shirtless Chase threw an arm over James's shoulder "He's right, mate. We're all studs here. _You_ -" he pulled Riley upright into his arms "especially. Now, let's hit the Intervals!"

Riley pulled back a bit to give Chase an incredulous look "Wow, _seriously_? You _must_ be jazzed for this." Chase squeezed Riley to him "No doubt about it. Gotta keep myself shredded and build up that endurance" he nuzzled closer into Riley's neck "Besides, how else am I going get the staying power to make you cum three times in a row?" As Chase leaned in for a kiss, he was rewarded with a palm pressed to his face "Yeah, wow, that was SO very romantic, Chase…" Riley rolled his eyes as he peeled his damp muscle shirt off.

"That's it, Tyler, you're at 10 minutes!" encouraged Phillip as Tyler was desperately holding his handstand, his face a mask of red drenched in sweat. Ivan finished his last set to failure and leaned heaving against the cavern wall to watch. Finally, Tyler gave up the ghost and collapsed. "Just shy of 11 minutes!" tsked Phillip as he clicked the stopwatch.

Shelby called out to Phillip as Koda escaped from her ministrations "I'm ready for your measurements! Ivan, could you help me with the inseam so I can figure how far to hem for the tear-away part?" Ivan stood to attention and caught the fabric tape measure tossed to him "Certainly, Lady Shelby" he began to unfurl the tape measure against Phillip's pant leg "Ivan, I need his calf and thigh measurements too- I'm thinking of leather pants."

Looking up at an amused Phillip, Ivan wrapped the tape around the right calf when Shelby chided "No, Ivan! You need to take the measurement without the pants" she turned to the former prince "Phillip, you're going to need to drop 'em so I can get an accurate measure for maximum contour" Phillip's amused look became a slight grimace as Ivan undid his belt "And Ivan, while you're at it, could you get his shirt off too? I need his chest and waist. I need to go figure out the materials" As Shelby exited, Phillip's grimace became outright panic. After his trousers dropped revealing steel grey trunks, the already shirtless Ivan rose to eye level and slid Phillip's jacket off his shoulders.

Phillip's breath hitched as Ivan's hands lingered on his bare chest before he carefully finished unbuttoning his shirt. The whole time, Ivan kept an impassive yet dutiful face- Phillip couldn't figure if this aroused him more. He suddenly felt a warm, hard, shirtless body glomp onto his back "Phillip!" cheered Koda "You need- to relax!" A now-delirious Phillip was close to full brain shutdown as Koda was basically fondling his chest from behind.

"Your highness…are you ready?" breathed Ivan as Phillip's wide eyes snapped to meet his "Um- what?" "I will need to measure your chest and waist now, sire" Phillip could only nod. Ivan prepped the tape measure "Sir Koda, could you hold his highness's arms up while I take measurement?" Koda obeyed, his strong hands sliding down Phillip's well-toned arms, grasping his wrists and lifting them high over Phillip's head while Ivan reached around with the tape measure and after getting the chest, allowed it to fall to Phillip's hips. Ivan, seeing too much slack, tugged -a bit too hard really- at the tape causing the already helpless and unbalanced Phillip to jerk forward into him.

Reflexively, he raised his arms and braced Phillip as he fell against him. Waist to waist, chest to chest, and face to face, Phillip stared into the eyes of his knight – _his_ knight– and discarded all thoughts of caution, propriety, and even reason. Something in his blood called out to this knight, as if screaming to repay a debt incurred long ago. There were no Power Rangers, no Sledge or Snide, no Dino Lair, no Zandar: there was only Phillip and Ivan and he closed the last distance between them with a kiss.

The understandably shocked Ivan's eyes widened, but he soon leaned into the kiss and strengthened his hold on Phillip. Breaking away, Ivan hazarded a look at Phillip, who was grinning madly. Over Phillip's shoulder, Koda leaned in- curious. Phillip turned his head back and caught Koda's lips as Ivan licked a stripe up his neck.

Koda was experiencing very new and strange feelings, including a very noticeable stirring in his loincloth. The kiss was nice- very nice. Though his comprehension of the situation was not complete, he did understand one thing- primal need, desire. He switched his grip to clamp Phillips wrists with one hand and wrapped his free arm around Phillip's waist.

Tyler, Riley, Chase, and James were mesmerized at the entire scene. The four of them had slowly gravitated towards one another as everything unfolded right in front of them. Chase held Riley tightly against him with his lips running through Riley's hair- Riley's back pressed firmly into Chase's front. James had his arm draped over Chase's left shoulder while his right hand fondled Riley's exposed nipple. Tyler was pressed up against Riley's other side and holding Chase against himself. Riley looked to his left and locked gazes with Tyler, their faces growing dangerously close as Chase groans his approval…

"WHAT IS GOING ON IN HERE?!" exclaimed an epically indignant Kendall. Everyone else whipped their heads towards the doors as she grandly entered- no- STRUTTED in, wrapped in a dark purple buckled pleather trench coat with raised and pointed shoulder pads. What finished the look and punctuated her menacing bearing were a matching cap and a very real 2-foot long dark purple riding crop.

Her narrowed eyes scanned all seven near-nude male rangers, her lips pressed into a hard line. Lashing out with her crop, she pointed to them all. All seven cowered before her.

"ENOUGH!" she scolded them all bringing her crop down and snapping a broom handle in half.

"Save it for the stage, boys." She sassed with a wink and a smirk.


	3. Viva La Diva!

Chapter 3: Viva La Diva!

Notes: Omg, I'm so sorry this took so long- massive reworking and rewrites. Life/work/school is complicated and I am still not at the point where I am comfortable/capable of writing full-on sex scenes. Still…

Dr. Tommy Oliver had gotten past security after flashing his credentials and made his way to the Dino Bite Café. He was there to meet with the museum director, but due to a scheduling problem, he was extremely late and missed their intended appointment time. He figured it wouldn't be a problem to drop in a little after hours. The surprisingly handsome aqua-uniformed security guard did seem peculiar though… Since when does a museum need such tight security after closing?

Dismissing the thought from his mind, he entered the Dino Bite Café and beheld the makings of a Bacchanalia as scantily clad men were carrying crates of alcohol and furniture about at the shrill cackling commands of a VERY familiar and supposedly very DEFEATED old arch-nemesis… It HAD to be some kind of trick… or a dream…

The dangerously beautiful apparition before him wore a red, gilt-edged, strapless bodice allowing for maximum cleavage, nestled with a beautiful jewel pendant, with a black-ribbed corset and a short pleather skirt accented with goldfish scale mail, elbow length black gloves and knee high high-heeled black leather boots. Her shining chestnut hair was pulled into a high pony tail allowing her voluminous metallic-purple tipped locks to fall in a tight swirl behind her. Her gold face-frame mask and shoulder pauldrons, lavender gossamer train, and red webbed high collar completed the menacing ensemble.

Her rosy glossed lips pursed into a duck-like near-sneer and her eyes squinted in appraisal, scanning everyone around. She flourished her arm about and barked an order to each man as she passed:

"Straighten that vest! Lose the shirt! Tighten that bowtie! Align those suspenders! You! No slouching!"

'That CAN'T be her…' thought a horrified Tommy 'She was PURIFIED…th- the SACRIFICE…'

"All right, all right! Make way! Pure beauty, commin' through!" the sultry woman in red and black shouted and muscled her way through her minions "HA!" she flaunted as she punched the air "Viva La Diva!"

'Oh yeah, that's HER alright…' Tommy mentally confirmed as he advanced pointing at her shouting "DIVATOX!" he spreads his arms gesturing about "What, no Pirhanatrons this time?"

The space pirate queen looked up in horror and shock. The first surprised and nasally word that tumbled from her mouth was "Tommy?!" before looking down at her getup. That was enough for Dr. Oliver to launch his attack on the terrified space pirate queen who clearly recognized him.

He may be older now, but he can still fight, and fight Tommy did with a flurry of blows against a surprisingly adept Divatox. His onslaught was brutal, but somehow, she managed to defend herself quite expertly- if screaming a bit and flailing wildly after blocking each strike. Did she always used to be such a competent fighter? He never remembered her fighting hand-to-hand back in his Turbo days. "Wait! Tommy!" she cried as she kept blocking his incoming attacks. All of the other workers around dove for cover as both veteran and villain duked it out in the middle of the café floor.

"Back off, buddy!" shouted Tyler, dressed in only yellow fireman bottoms and red suspenders and menacingly waving a banana. "Leave her alone!" joined Chase, in black jean shorts and brandishing his skateboard. "Be gone, blackguard!" declared Ivan twirling a rubber prop rapier "Yeah, back off, bub!" shrilled a teetering, sushi-lipped, feather boa-wielding Nicki Minaj.

Tommy Oliver could only stop and stare in utter confusion at the ridiculous warriors coming to Divatox's aid…

~1 hour earlier~

At last, the Dino Dude Lounge was about to begin its first evening. During the several hours between the Dino Bite Cafe closing and the opening for seating of the Dino Dude Lounge, the floor was packed with the hustle and bustle of the final preparations. Kendall was directing the workflow as several strapping young men were vetted for server duty, including Riley's nemesis-turned-friend Burt and his two lackeys, and surprisingly enough, Riley's brother Matt- THAT was interesting for Riley to explain…

 _'You want WHO to help out at the Club?' Kendall was not sure whether to be confused, grateful or just plain horrified. 'Just Burt, his two friends, and…' Riley mumbled at the last '…mybrotherMatt…' Kendall could only shake her head 'Oh Riley…what am I going to do with you…'_

Shelby had suggested to Kendall the need to be disguised- after all, she was a respected scientist who ran the museum. What Kendall did NOT expect, was an over-the-top outfit with an even MORE ridiculous persona to emulate. Normally very conservatively dressed, she now looked like some sort of amalgamated space opera pirate queen.

'I look and feel ridiculous, Shelby' Kendall had complained 'It's one thing to look like a dominatrix, but it's ENTIRELY another to look and act like some kind of soap opera supervillain!' 'Don't worry about it, Ms. Morgan!' explained an inspiring Shelby who placed a gold half-mask over Kendall's eyes 'Remember, you are a strong, confident woman- a DIVA!' Kendall blew out a sigh and conceded to her point as . She really DID need to have more confidence in her own abilities. So with a deep breath, she smoothed herself down, perked up her boobs and with a determined nod, proceeded to get it done…like a BAUS.

Kendall really got into character as she paced amongst the workers- embracing her inner 'Madam'. As she commanded her staff, she grew more and more confident, and finally she completely lost herself in the role:

"Straighten that vest! Lose the shirt! Tighten that bowtie! Align those suspenders! YOU! No slouching!"

'Yes' she chuckled satisfyingly to herself 'it's GOOD to be the queen…'

"DIVATOX!"

At least until Dr. Tommy Oliver attacked…

Meanwhile, in the back, the guys were doing their final prep as well…

"Riley? Can you help me?" asked Koda, holding out a bottle of oil and gesturing behind him "I can't get it all even on my back" "Sure, Koda" Smoothing the oil along Koda's shoulders, Riley's deft hands slowly kneaded up and down his taut upper back muscles "Woah buddy, you've got some horrible knots up here" he observed while fussing "You really should consider a real bed instead of that crag of rock you sleep in." Koda melted under Riley's ministrations, his head lolling in ecstasy and oblivious to all else. He purred contentedly and pulled at length as Riley's deft hands slid down to his lower back and worked around his torso. Even Riley wasn't immune to Koda's arousal as his hands smoothed over his obliques, along the trenches of his abs and up over his pecs, deeply working the oil in. Koda drew his head back and rested it against Riley's shoulder with a happy sigh. Taking a moment to de-bug his eyes and regulate his breathing again, Riley rolled his eyes and chuckled at his friend who now resembled a big housebroken jungle cat.

Chase let out a sigh at the scene with a dreamy nod of approval and returned to rehearsing Phillip- his hands on Phillip's shoulders, wringing out the tension as the latter was trying to loosen his hips. He wasn't sure if he was trying to relax Phillip as much as distract himself from Riley and Koda slowly dry-humping not ten feet away "Ok, ok Phillip. Don't make your moves too sharp or deliberate or they'll look really jerky and awkward. Let your hips roll…" Chase stood right behind him guiding Phillip's swaying hips with his hands as he demonstrated in slow fluid gyrations "…just like that" Phillip could feel Chase's heartbeat...as well as his erection against the small of his back and deviously started to grind back against it.

No longer able to contain himself, Koda whipped around and grabbed the surprised yet pliant Riley by the waist and dragged his nose from Riley's navel up to behind his neck with one long sharp sniff, taking in his scent. Gripping Riley's waist firmly, Koda drank in Riley's arousal and pressed their bodies flush against one another. Riley regained his senses enough to reciprocate the caveman's claiming amidst many sharp whimpers. Their mouths thrashed for dominance, despite Koda's advantage in size and strength.

Chase was lost in his daydream and wondered to himself if this isn't what REALLY goes on at La Bare when the cameras are off. His thoughts meandered to a seemingly demure and innocent Riley…prepping the lot of them…all those chiseled abs, smooth pecs, a panorama of hard flesh. When his faculties returned, he found fingers rubbing his neck, moving up his spine. Chase turned his head back to face his sneaky assailant- and finding James pulling them together, James's lips cutting off any possible protest. Chase took charge, shifting his position and grinding into James. Suddenly, his face was jerked back and his eyes met Phillip's "I shall not suffer your attention to be diverted" and with that, Phillip forcefully took control and began ravishing Chase. 'Woah' Chase mused 'When did Phillip get dominant? Well…not that I'm complaining…'

Not to be outdone by the shameless throupling, Riley more vigorously nipped at the flesh behind Koda's ear and nuzzled into his neck prompting Koda to growl and bite at Riley's lower lip and in stereotypical macho fashion, shred Riley's shirt with one swift pull. He proceeded to manhandle Riley with renewed passion.

To the left of their frenzy, Tyler and Ivan were stretching in nothing but skin-tight trunks, terribly distracted by the near-sex happening right there. Ivan lagged, transfixed by his comrades' shamelessness and Tyler, catching him in this moment of inattention, pounces and pins him to the wall in a kiss. Ivan wrestles back playfully but continues to allow Tyler to take charge, pressing his cheek against the cool hewn stone.

Riley changed tactics and ran his tongue across Koda's oiled chest as Koda's head fell back with a gasp, his eyes rolled back. Riley continued up his neck and met back up with his lips prompting Koda to shift them both forward into Phillip's waiting arms who then turned Riley's head, breaking his kiss and claiming one of his own. Riley's delirious moans grew more lustful as Phillip's hand slid down Riley's torso into shorts and gripping firmly and tenderly.

Chase stepped to Riley's left and slid his arm between his and Koda's bodies, firmly latching himself to Riley's side. As a swift as a swooping raptor (bird- ahem) he brushed his lips along Riley's temple and glided into Koda's. Ivan and Tyler were suddenly on Riley's other side- Ivan tongue-bathing Phillip and Tyler burying his nose in Riley's hair and sighing deeply.

James reclined on a sofa nearby, enjoying the pre-show show and sucking a protein shake through a straw. Poor Riley was drowning in a puppy pile- no sooner do his lips unlatch from Phillip's that they find themselves attached to Tyler's…then Chase's…then Ivan's…then Koda's…then back to Phillip's…then Chase again…

'This is how I die' Riley internally monologues in delirious ecstasy 'Yep…this is definitely how it ends… Death- By SnuSnu'

As the last light in Riley's vision is swallowed by the torrent of man-flesh enveloping him in a cocoon of orgasmic bliss Shelby clapped her hands breaking the spell and the tides of darkness receded "All right, all right, all right boys! Enough mutual butt-sniffing! We need to go over the rotation!"

Everyone blinked at the drag queen Nikki Minaj standing before them with her bubblegum-pink lips, long sweeping wig and gigantic fake lashes. "What?" she barks at the sniggering lot of them, now looking less like gay porn stars and more like junior varsity jocks in a locker room "What? I have to look different!" she swings about to address them all "I need to have a different persona when I'm up there on the turn table!" she continued to defend herself. Bubbles of laughter seethed and churned beneath the paper thin ice sheet of silence. Shelby's eyes dared them- DARED them to crack a joke and _someone_ was going to break… yes she would be ready…

"So Shelby…" Riley hazarded "Did you find all the sound equipment we set up for you?" Shelby softened and relaxed a bit "Yes, Riley. It's all there and ready to go" "Kay, then you know you've got that Super Bass?"

Aaaaaaaand the ice shattered- plummeting the boys and even Shelby into a sea of laughter "Well, I suppose I do look ridiculous in this get up" she managed after getting a hold of herself.

No sooner did everyone recover from their mirth that they whipped their heads at a strong voice booming out in the front "DIVATOX!"

Confusion reigned throughout the ranks as the all-too familiar sounds of battle rang out on the café floor…

~Present~

In all his years of being a ranger, this HAD to be the most ridiculous situation Tommy found himself in- worse than the time he was magically compelled to sing in an operatic voice… or that time he felt the insatiable urge to gorge on mountains of junk food… or of course that time a villain questioned point-blank if he wasn't just "a little [too] old for [all] this". Never had he felt the weariness and age in his bones as he did just now "I AM getting to old for this crap" he mutters to himself. For a split-second he imagines sitting in a rocker in the middle of a Veteran Ranger nursing home commiserating with the other ranger fogeys:

 _'In MY day, OUR villains were campy AND diabolically effective… AND we could TELEPORT… I miss Zordon… those were the GOOD old days… We didn't have all these new-fangled modular megazords… OUR megazords had TWO formations and we LIKED it…'_

 _'…and sometimes the monster of the week was so tough we had to use ALL SEVEN of our zords and we called it an ULTRAzord… these kids got it easy with their 13 zords and 10 rangers, their 'super modes' and extra powers they INVENT every other WEEK… why in MY day… we had to travel across FIFTEEN star systems to get a SLIGHT power upgrade…and even THEN we had to pass TESTS or fight giant robots WITHOUT our zords'_

 _'In MY day, our homoerotic sexual tension was so subtle, you needed an electron microscope to see it… but it was THERE… none of this gay-baiting crap [eyes to the fourth wall]'_

 _'In MY day, our history maintained continuity and cohesion with villainous plots that spanned SEASONS- I mean YEARS… none of these short-term hit it and quit it scrubs… yep yep… Zordon took down the biggest and baddest with him… *spit*'_

 _'And what's with these last few crops of rangers? They're like poor imitations of the originals… trying to copy our formula as if it'll bring glory back to the noble ranger tradition… and they're a revolving door too… a year or two and POOF- out ya go to pasture- in with a NEW set of baby rangers who have to flounder about with yet more new UNTESTED powers thrust into their amateur hands and having barely a couple of weeks to learn them before a really BIG evil threatens the WHOLE UNIVERSE…. AGAIN…'_

 _'And what's with every other artifact brought to attention suddenly being the "ULTIMATE POWER in the UNIVERSE"? I swear we've got like 5 of those "ULTIMATE POWERS" already'_

 _'The Power Eggs' says Jason._

 _'The Zeo Crystal' agrees Tommy._

 _'The Quasar Sabers' chimes Leo._

 _'The Corona Aurora' muses Dax (because Mack is a sexbot- remember?)_

 _'And don't forget the Energems!' bounces Tyler._

 _'GET OUT Whippersnapper!' the other four punted the puppy out of the nursing home where he lands in a duck pond with a horn blaring in the background. Tyler sniffles and shuffles along._

Tommy shuddered and vowed NEVER to get THAT old and bitter…

WAIT. The banana-wielding firefighter… "Wait a minute! Hold up!" commands Tommy "What is going on here?"

Kendall hastily rips off her mask "It's me, Dr. Oliver!" she pants "Kendall Morgan. I'm so sorry I'd forgotten about our meeting…" she looks around at the disarray "I can explain all of this…just not out here…"

After one of the most awkward expository recaps in the history of the Power Rangers' legacy, Tommy bit his lip keeping good humor and desperately trying to maintain the proper venerable air of dignity and graciousness.

"…and THAT is why my boys are now strippers" Tommy had to screw his eyes shut at that and scream through his tightly clamped lips. "Ok, Dr. Morgan, I think that sums up a typical evil scheme the Power Rangers thwart from time to time… though I admit… this solution is… rather unique"

"As unorthodox as it is, would you like to stay for our opening night?" offered Kendall.

Tommy blinked at that and took a minute to consider "Yes… yes I think I will" he replied amused "I'm interested in seeing how this generation of rangers… handles… themselves…" he treaded lightly.

~Out front~

A short busty blonde in a hot pink cocktail dress wiggled in her seat sipping at her drink as she glanced about anxiously. Her companion, a lanky, nervous, mousy-haired twenty-something boy was twice as restless as his leg twitched uncontrollably. "Stop it!" the woman hissed "You'll draw too much attention to us!" "Says Glinda the good witch" the boy retorted "Did you have to choose that body? Someone could think you were her"

"Nonsense- I'm Polly April Rhodes. A demure up and coming broadway producer. And you're Kurt O'Byron, my no-good pan-sexual nephew" she primped "You're WAY too into this, Poisan-" "HUSH! You'll spoil everything!" she kicked him under the table as Kendall took center stage.

"Ladies and gentlemen, I welcome you to the Dino Dude Lounge after-hours show! I am your host, Divitria! Accompanying our boys tonight is our very own DJ Cera Topps! Shelby waves while whipping her hair back and forth and batting her absurdly long lashes. "And now to bring out our very own Dino Dudes!" Kendall announces to raucous applause.

~Split-screen~

'This is it' breathed Kendall.

'We're all set' affirmed Riley backstage.

'Ought to be interesting' mused Tommy at a side table.

'All systems go' checked Shelby at her booth.

'Now we'll see something' tittered Poisandra/Polly.

'Popcorn's ready' announced Heckyl from Sledge's command chair.

 ** _'SHOWTIME'_**


End file.
